Sexiest Husky in the Pound
by FrankandJoe3
Summary: When Batman and Robin were mad at each other, they had a strange way of showing it. Hints of KF/Rob


**A lot of people kept saying that Bruce wouldn't ever get mad at little Dicky boy so… I decided to be sarcastic bitch who makes them argue in a funny way. Well, relatively humorous. I'm still not good at that. This was inspired by that orange juice commercial where the people tell her all the crappy stuff that's going to ruin her day and she's like, "… Great…" So yeah, hope you like this. 6 fics left! 10 days! (: Ignore that smile. I'm actually scared shitless. The past two days were a total writer's block and if I don't finish before Christmas... I don't know why I want this done before Christmas specifically. It's not like anyone wants 200 fics from me to read... :/ Bleh... **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

When normal people are angry at each other, most superheroes included, they always acted in a certain mannerism. Their eyes will narrow, their faces will get rid, their hands will clench into fists, their voices get louder, their bodies start to shake, their hearts race and they usually stop thinking with their minds. That's normal people though. Batman and Robin weren't exactly 'normal'.

When Batman and Robin fought, it was like they were just catching up on what was happening. Nothing about them actually seemed angry. They full out smiled as they walked at normal paces, laughing happily at things that would make most people beat the hell out of each other. They refused to hurt each other when they got mad, keeping their fists at their side and their eyes away from each other. It was only because they had just finally learned to consider themselves family and the last thing they wanted to do was ruin this.

When they entered the Cave, they were obviously mid-conversation from the huge smiles that were spread over each other's faces despite their averted stares. Dick was mid-laugh, his shades hiding his tear-filled eyes. Of course he was bothered, but he was determined to last longer than his mentor. He was strong, especially when it came to verbal arguments. He was quicker with words than Wally was with his feet.

"I told my school friends that you're Batman," Dick continued, not seeming to give a care.

Batman didn't falter for even a second.

"It only figures that your friends would believe a _devoted _father and a hardworking business man had any time in his business schedule to save a city," he dropped his voice even though he knew that no one was around to hear him. "And you know that Mrs. Donavan down the road? I told her that you called her a disgusting, obese piece of filth."

Dick jumped in surprise, but he quickly shook it off. This argument was just to see who could hold their composure longest. He had gotten used to hiding behind a mask, so it probably wouldn't be too hard. They walked into the living room, not noticing that the others were in there, occupying themselves otherwise. They all stopped when they saw the arguing duo.

"Aw, wonderful! You saved me the trouble," he grinned madly, shaking as he said the next thing, "I'm gay!"

Everyone in the room reacted differently. Batman choked on air; Megan and Artemis high-fived discreetly; Kaldur shrugged, not all too surprised; Conner snickered, crossing his arms over his chest; Wally's face turned the darkest of scarlets and he shot Dick a look that plainly said, "Are you insane?"

"I've seen you with your tongue down both of your gingers' throats, so wouldn't that make you bisexual?" Batman did his best to violently shake off the disgust.

They kept on walking at their slow pace, down the hall to the training room. They hadn't left the living room yet, no big surprise.

"Not if I prefer the taste of Wally to Barbara," Dick blushed shyly, doing his best to hide it.

All of the eyes in the room besides Dick's flashed automatically to the badly blushing ginger. Wally hid his face in his hands, wishing he couldn't feel all of those suspicious eyes on him. More importantly, he wished he couldn't feel Batman's murderous stare. That was all that really bothered him. Once Dick was sure the others couldn't hear, he continued on.

"I told Alli you have Herpes. She's leaving you tonight," Dick told his mentor without glancing his way.

Batman recovered in the bat on an eye.

"She's a whore anyway. I bought her for yesterday and today to entertain Alfred while we're gone," he did his best not to smirk at the disgusted face his ward made. "At least _I_ can get a girl."

Dick shrugged, not bothered in the least.

"You mean you can buy one? Selina was only after you because you've got money. Wally loves me for me," he boasted, his chest swelling with pride.

"And for how good you can suck his-," Batman had a comeback ready in an instant, fully ready to 'go there' if that was what it'd take to win this fight.

"Oh yes, I'm quite the pro at it by now," Dick was quick to cut him off, smiling happily as a sickening thought passed through his mind. "Every time you went on a business trip, I brought Wally home and we did it on your bed."

Batman clapped a hand over his mouth, ready to puke at the image that involuntarily passed through his head. He swallowed the stomach acid though and mentally fought on.

"Sometimes when you're asleep and my girl isn't feeling like using my bed, we do it in yours," he tossed back with a smile.

Dick's eyes bugged, but no one noticed.

"That would you make you a pedophile," the little ebony pointed out, rubbing his hands unconsciously on his jeans to wipe off the nonexistent germs. "Need I call the cops?"

Batman's mind raced fast.

"No need. They already know. They all take turns on your bed while you're at school," his smile was suddenly replaced by his normal solemn look. "I honestly prefer Danni, but Alex does it best."

Dick suddenly found it hard to swallow past his disgust, but he wasn't going down. He had lasted nearly an hour now! He was going to go until Batman had to stop from exhaustion. Or until Wally decide they he wanted to 'hang out', in which case he'd admit defeat and scurry off with a blush to join his ginger.

"I guess you and I _are _alike then," he laughed casually.

Batman raised an eyebrow, finally offering Dick a glance, even if it was clouded with confusion.

"How so?" he inquired, clearly interested in where this was going.

He obviously had no idea where the conversation was going to go next.

"We're obviously both gay," Dick put his hands to his hips, cocking his head to the side and grinning proudly as he stepped into the Zeta Beam Tube first.

He stepped out of the phone booth, waiting for his mentor to step through.

"Danni and Alex are girls," Batman's voice ghosted through before he did.

Dick waited until he recognized the black costume of his mentor in the booth before he folded his arms over his chest menacingly

"Danni and Alex are cover-ups," he corrected, pushing his shades up on his nose.

Batman rolled his eyes behind the mask, stepping out into the alley to join his sidekick.

"At least _they _can kiss. Your little 'boy toy' is as clumsy as a 2 legged dog," Batman smirked, confident that this was where Dick was going to break.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

"But my doggie's good with his tongue."

Batman's face flushed and he shuddered, but it was almost unnoticeable. He shouldn't have made the tongue reference earlier. It was starting to crawl under his skin. He wasn't good with hearing Dick play along with this stuff.

"So I've heard. After I castrate him, that's all he's going to be good with," Batman threatened.

Dick shrugged, smiling playfully.

"Oh well. I'm always on top anyway," he sounded so serious, but his smile made it hard to take it like that.

Batman tousled his ward's hair, despite how uncomfortable he felt with the topic.

"'Atta boy! But does that mean when you're with Barbara, you're pulling a pansy?"

It was hard to seem proud, when you were talking about such an awkward topic in general. Dick shook his head.

"You said it yourself. I'm not allowed to have sex with a girl until I'm 'of age'. I just found a loophole in that rule with Wally."

Batman raised an eyebrow, probably interpreting that the wrong way. He decided to ask about the wrong way first, just in case it was what Dick meant.

"Oh, so Kid Flash is just your hump toy?" he couldn't help but almost laugh as Dick's eyes bugged and he blushed like mad. "Maybe it's _you_ who's the dog."

Dick didn't look bothered by the name. He actually liked dogs.

"Chicks dig the canines," he grinned, winking playfully, "Besides, I'm the sexiest Husky in the pound. All the ladies want _this_," he gestured to his body, flexing madly.

Batman didn't think as the words slipped past his lips. He hadn't been thinking this whole time as they had fought. He _had _wanted to win, but he instantly regretted the words as they left his lips.

"So they want an underweight, anorexic, emo, stray whose owners abandoned him?" Batman's mouth dropped and his eyes widened in a second, his heart stopping as the words processed through his mind.

Pure pain flashed across Dick's face. The reaction would've been better if Batman had slapped him across the face with a knife. His eyes, already full of tears, threatened to leak. His lips fell open in horror and he turned a deathly pale, staggering backwards.

"B… Batman…" Dick whispered, his voice just barely above a breath.

"Robin! I didn't mean-!" but Dick was gone.

Dick had torn down the street, probably towards the phone booth again. Batman had half a mind to chase him down, but he didn't want to upset his partner anymore than he already had. He face-palmed lightly, his heart aching from regret. It was too late though, so he knew there was only thing left to do. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the all too familiar number.

"Hello?" Alfred picked up on the second ring.

"Yeah, hey. Can you do me a favor? Burn _all _of the sheets in our house. Covers too, and pillows. _Anything _that we've slept on; toss it in the fireplace. I'm going to get some new ones."

**Heh. Sorry. I know, this was so horribly OOC, but 'ey, I typed it. I couldn't help myself. Is that better than their regular fights? Probably not. _YOU AND ME BABY AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LET'S DO IT LIKE THEY DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL_. Review?**

**-F.J. **


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